Psychic Lessons
by SmashersUnited
Summary: Ness and Lucas seek psychic lessons from the psychic master Mewtwo. Things are bound to go wrong. Short oneshot. Rated T to be safe.


**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.**

**This is a quick oneshot I wrote in about half an hour. Inspiration I guess. **

"So, you wish to learn advanced psychic techniques

"So, you wish to learn advanced psychic techniques?" Mewtwo asked curiously.

Mewtwo had never been much of a teacher, so he was quite surprised when Ness and Lucas came up to him, asking to be instructed on how to develop their PSI powers.

"Yes." Lucas looked up hopefully. "Ness and I want to get stronger, and you're the only one who can teach us!"

"I'm not much of a teacher; the last student I ever had ended up jumping off a cliff. But, I suppose I could help you."

"WHAT? YOU PROPOSED TO TABUU?" Ness shouted.

"Ness!" Lucas quickly covered his friend's mouth, his knees shaking terribly as he did so. He did not know what was more scary, the thought of Mewtwo causing his students to go insane, or the thought of how Mewtwo might respond to that outburst.

"I'msosorryMewtwoit'sjustthatNesshasahearingproblemandhe…"

"That's quite enough." Mewtwo interrupted Lucas's nonstop and _very_ fast blathering. "I can see he has a hearing problem, and I'm sure that he did not mean to offend."

Lucas could have sworn Mewtwo's eyes flashed red for a second, but didn't say a word.

"Anyways," Mewtwo continued, "meet me in the auditorium tomorrow morning after breakfast. I can give you two some instructions on a few psychic techniques neither of you have mastered."

"Thank you."

--

The next morning, both boys had arrived at the auditorium at the determined time. They found that Mewtwo was already there waiting for them, and he had brought multiple miscellaneous objects along too.

"Good morning, Ness, Lucas, I trust you are both ready to begin." Mewtwo greeted his 2 new students.

"WHAT? WE'RE TRAVELING BY BOAT TO BEIJING? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH OUR PSYCHIC LESSONS?" Ness's outburst, while nearly giving Lucas a heart attack, didn't faze Mewtwo in the least.

--_Perhaps we should communicate through telepathy to save the trouble of more misunderstandings._-- Mewtwo's voice boomed through the boys' heads. Ness thought he sensed a little anger.

--_Um, you're not still mad about what I said yesterday right..?_-- Ness asked cautiously.

--_It's not my anger you should be worried about; it's Tabuu's that you should fear. Tabuu is known for being quite easy to anger, and I'm sure your voice was capable of carrying over to the SSE Boss House._-- Ness could of sworn he heard some cruel humor in Mewtwo's statement.

--_Regardless, I feel it is time to begin your lesson. It seems the best place to start is with telekinesis, something I have seen you two both try, and fail miserably at._-- Mewtwo's eyes glowed purple and various objects around the room flew up into the air, did funny dances, before dropping back to the ground daintily. --_Show me what you are currently capable of._--

The two boys exchanged nervous glances. They remembered the last time they had tried telekinesis: the hole in the wall, a chain of pikmin hanging from the ceiling fan, Peach's parasol stuck inside Olimar's helmet, banana peels on the wall, and that strange anti-gravity goo that took weeks to remove from Ness's hat…

--_Relax, there is no pudding in this room, so that little incident will not occur this time._-- Mewtwo assured the two boys.

Lucas sighed, and he held out his hand towards a nearby book. Lucas focused all of his PSI powers onto that one book, and it began to rise a few inches from the ground.

--_Excellent. Now, try to make it move around you, like an orbit._-- Mewtwo instructed.

Lucas focused even more, to the point where his face was turning purple from the strain, and the book began to orbit him, slowly and wobbly.

--_Concentrate. Try to steady the book. Imagine the Earth orbiting around the sun. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't bounce around in its orbit._-- Mewtwo's voice was ridiculously serious, despite the fact that Ness was rolling on the floor laughing (or ROTFL for you texting freaks) at the sight of the book bobbing up and down like a fishing bobber in the water as it orbited a now blue faced Lucas.

--_Please Ness, I'm having difficulties concentrating with you laughing like that._-- Lucas looked like he was constipated at this point.

--_Sorry, sorry._-- Ness stopped laughing and got up from the ground and held his hand out. --_Let me help you._--

--_That's not such a good idea, Ness. Don't…_-- Mewtwo was cut off when Ness burst back into laughter, causing a jolt of psychic energy to fly out of his hand at Lucas's behind.

As one might imagine, Lucas did not take a surprise shock to the ass very well, and he put a little too much energy into the book as it continued its bobbling orbit.

The extra jolt of energy, in turn, caused the book to fly out of its orbit at shocking speeds, right at Mewtwo's head. Just before the book mad contact, Mewtwo quickly tilted his head to the right, and the book missed his head by centimeters.

Neither of the boys noticed that they nearly decapitated their teacher, though. Ness was still clutching his sides laughing as Lucas was rubbing his sore left cheek (not the one on the face mind you) and shouting a stream of profanities at his companion, who could not hear of course.

Mewtwo could tell neither was in a state to safely use PSI at the moment, so he sat down and meditated. After about 10 minutes, he finally heard the boys calm down.

--_Now that that is out of your systems, I suggest a bit of practice. Individually._-- Mewtwo stressed that last word, for he did not want another mishap.

--_Yes sir._-- Both boys went to a different side of the room and found an object to practice with. Satisfied, Mewtwo returned to his meditation.

--

**One hour later**

--_This is a little more than pathetic…_-- Mewtwo looked around the room. Evidently, the boys could not keep their excitement in check, for random items were stuck in walls, broken into fragments, or on fire…

Lucas had collapsed on the ground, panting heavily with three bowling pins around him in a triangle. He had evidently fainted trying to move all 3 at once.

Ness faired a little better; he was still standing and had managed to get a little marble swinging in the air in front of him, but it seemed that he had hypnotized himself with it.

"Hey, teacher cat thingy…" Ness seemed in a trance by that marble and was clearly too out of it to use telepathy properly.

--_What is it Ness? And put down that marble._-- Mewtwo was clearly annoyed at being referred to as a 'cat thingy'.

"I have a good idea what you should teach us. Mind reading!" Ness was still staring emptily at the swinging marble.

--_And why are you so interested in learning to mind read? I personally find it rude._-- Everyone knew that Mewtwo hated reading minds without permission.

"Because of Link and Zelda."

Mewtwo didn't like where this was going.

"They're always off doing adult things and the other adults are always making jokes about the whole thing. I never know what they're talking about, Zelda refuses to answer my questions, Link keeps dodging the subject, and Peach always scolds me whenever she catches me asking, that motherly bitch. I want to be able to mind read so I know what sex is."

--_That marble is affecting your brain, like drugs or something._-- Mewtwo attempted to remove the marble from Ness's sight, but he couldn't budge it with telekinesis nor brute force. Deciding that Ness was currently mentally unstable, Mewtwo pushed Ness, and his marble, into a closet and locked it. He then teleported off, completely forgetting about poor clueless Lucas in the corner.

**Some of you may be wondering why Ness has a hearing problem. There is a reason for that, but it will be revealed in an upcoming chapter of my main fanfic: The Life and Times of Super Smash Brothers (ch 9 if everything goes as planned).**

**Some of you may also be wondering why I don't wait and get _that_ chapter out before this. My answer: the reason for Ness's hearing problem is not important, nor a spoiler, nor am I patient enough to wait.**

**Also, I won't deny that the ending was rushed. Didn't plan it out as well as the beginning or middle. Sorry about that...**


End file.
